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Friday, January 17, 2014

A Maudlin Pet Peeve: Are You In Love With Yourself?

I've lost my mind right. 
This is what drives me insane... love compatibility?
 Wow, I have to be the most cynical person in the world!
What's wrong with you, Nailah? 
Why must you be a Debbie Downer?

I'm nit-picky, condescending, I know, I know. I've heard it all before, but perhaps this show a lack of character, in which cognitively what we call the essence of the human soul, which I think is up for question ( humans having souls, is quite laughable, at best).
 Love compatibility is a noticeable trend, it's everywhere!
I read great papers on this continuous trend of interpersonal attraction. Researchers proclaim the same ideals, just in different platforms; However, no one is stating that is wrong, or right....
It's an error that is consciously accepted, for the desire of a homogeneous rearrangement. 
Why is this? 
I'm a person that questions the idiosyncratic we call living, life, lifestyle, as human beings are we so stuck in our ways? or have we been bamboozled to this way of thinking.

As we proceed with A Maudlin Pet Peeve, I'll try to answer this daunting question, with my own observation, and with the help of brilliant minds of the past...
Nicholas Kalmakoff " Narcissus"
You Attract, What You Are? 

No need not to make an introduction for law of attraction. However for those, who don't know. 

"Your reflection to the world, reflects back to you" ex: your mean spirited, you'll attract mean spirited people.

Thus, the law of attraction resonates with many relationships. In fact, it becomes the reason many long term relationship survive, positive or negative.

To me, love has already been designed, that come packaged, under a tree, with mosaic lights, to entice you.

The gifts, and the rewards are what we expect from a partnership, its what we call a healthy relationship; which we also call compatibility. While on the other hand, inhomogeneous paragon without benefits, we consider unhealthy.
Is it me? 
Or does that sound familiar?
*cough* gold diggers *cough

 For us its mainly feelings of selfishness, that we can't let go of. Although, to be fair everyone story of love is comparable different, yet, deep down relationships gravitates to Law of attraction. 
Now why is that?. 
However in different cultures, love have a multitude of meaning. Whereas, here in western society, it  conversely means something different, something of ease....With you, and only you.

So what's better than to stay with thyself, while Staring down into an isolated pond.

Oedipus Genetic Hook?

Peggy Olson and Ted Chaough 
"Mad Men: Season Six" 
Similarity in personality brought them together
Like minded, Attitude, Education 
Status, Background, Personality, Social skills, Values, and Morals, and more.

When you're asked, what is it you  look for in a spouse?
Would these things make, or break your interest?

These things act as endorphins, for many in the search for love. It's crucial, for you have these things alike, right?

Our childhood teaches us, everyone outside is the enemy, and we continue on, with this ideal, into adulthood.

Let me change the subject. 

Have you ever meet a couple, that are similar in many attributes; same political beliefs, same upbringing, personality, e.g. Its as if they're born, and raised in the same household?
And did you ever think, "hey, there is something wrong with this?"

"Mamma Mia "Is an example
of the Oedipus Complex  
According to Erving Goffman: people are more likely to stay in a relationship longer, if physical appearance is equal matched.

While this can be added to the list of similarity, I want to accentuate physical appearance more. 

Shall I continue?
I'm pretty sure you've heard of the, Oedipus complex- "Every man wants to sleep with his mother, and kill his father" that has been coined by our beloved father of psychology, Sigmund Freud, and also by psychologist Chris Fraley, whom did further research in this matter, read more:

Now let me ask you another question.
Jaime &  Cersei Lannister
Brother & Sister
Prime example:
Oedipus Genetic Hook
Have you've met a couple that you imagine to be, brother and sister? 
I have, too many in fact, and at that moment I came up with a concept, I call "Oedipus Genetic Hook". 
However, this reverses the anecdote to" You want to kill your parents, and marry your siblings." 

While Genetic Sexual Attraction have an infamous stigma, and I know I can't merely going by physical appearance, when it comes to compatibility, yet it does give it that spark a craving for accolades from siblings, parents, yourself, or even the public.

Rihanna and Chris Brown
Resembles a
Oedipus Genetic Hook
While genetically, this equals too an  the attraction to oneself. This anecdotal can be described in a variety of ways, this is just one example.

Now how did I come up, with this scandalous idea

I did my own insights into the matter; Generation Y, and X, subtlety suggested in a variety of television shows, Instagram, facebook, and every day lives; our shallow tendencies that led us to fall in love with none other, than ourselves.  

And whom better, than our 50/50 relation? 

Example: In the beginning, similarities were part of Hollywood power couples onscreen, nevertheless, Brother/Sister relations have become more, more known in movies, and television shows, nowadays. And, lets not get started on book covers.

Our siblings, dyadically combines our mother, and father.
Which gears the law of familial attraction: fighting for recognition, or favoritism, etc.
Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony
When Jennifer

 lucked out with many lovers,
she resorted to being with someone, 

with similarities.

Too sum it up, the attraction is due to a subconsciously unfulfilled issues with family, or within ourselves, that creates sexual friction. 

The law of attraction is a narcissist effect, that we call compatibility, that cuddles our doubts as to why, we choose a certain partners. 
This is shallow, but look at many couples, they look as if they're related. 

Isn't that odd? And why is this normal?
It's subjective, however, Freud was on to something. 
Similarity, and Compatability  Always Usually Ends In Divorce..Years, Years....Later As I should have taken cue from Leonard, when you phrase things, and use 'always', it convivially means something bad; I'll continue on without this adverb.
Jim Carrey and Jenny Mccarthy
 Similarity bored them, 
and ended with separation

One thing I have take note too, love compatibility, has longevity. I will give it the stamp of approval in the sector, however, is it love that keep us together?

Yeah, Yeah, most claim after a long span of  years together, they grew apart. 

I know nothing last forever, yet the similarities are so prominent, that they are what we call the perfect "couple".
So what tore them apart?
In retrospect, couples love for each other wane, you often hear the word "bored". 

As human beings, do we set ourselves up emotionally, for something can't last forever? A partnership that'll never tug on your heart-string?

Emotionally similarity is not a challenge, it's easy, a cop out. 

Even the public condone this behavior, always noting how they look like a perfect couple, only because similarities.
Al & Tipper Gore
Had similar 
And in 2010, mutually separated
You know what they say, Compatibility is in the eye of the beholder.. I'll let your imagine run wild, with this proverb............. 

Can A healthy Upbringing Gear You Towards Similarity? As I observe, I noticed that individual who had what we call a healthy upbringing, led more towards the fixation to interpersonal relationships/marriage.

On the other hand, when someone has had an unhealthy upbringing they usually go into partnership for the wrong reasons, Such as: Diassociation, can also play tribute to an attraction to dissimilarity... just pondering..
Jesse James and Sandra Bullock
Consequences Of Opposites Attract
The Law of Opposite Attracts, & Lowly Fragilities 
Difference scares people, now matter
What They Say!
Although, this generation claim to be different, open, and need for exploring new avenues, many generations go through that spell, we haven't changed, and won't. However complementary lovers, appear more so than ever..that behooves a conflict of interest...
Which brings me too
The-lackey-wacky-tacky-daffy- I want what you havey 
Unlike my first shallow mates, complementary, is favoured by many. In basic terms, you have what I lack, so now give it to me.
"Big Bang Theory"You're my homunculus
Leonard, and Penny
These complementary partnership has a strong foundation, however, it can turn a harmonious relationships into a nightmare.

For an Example:  I'll go back to Leonard and Penny's relationship, yet again. Leonard admires Penny for her differences, however, when the relationship in motion, he tries his hardest to mold her to what he wants her to be.

That same desire that brought them together, also created an on, and off again relationship.   The need to suppress her individuality, to convert her to his mold of needs and desire. Also, relates to his mother, and never being able to control his surrounds, now he has the chance to control. 
"The Way We Were"
Katie Morosky & Hubbell Gardiner
While this is beneficial for Leonard, it can became hectic for Penny, and where the benefit falters. This primal need, also effected Katie.
While I can delve Into this topic, All Day. Everything Must Come To An End. So let me leave with a note L-O-V & The E
Now you know what it's like, to live in my head.

I love a challenge, I live for it. So I'm always baffled why people take the easy way out, psychological or in the physical form.  I never want to be with anyone with similar attributes, to me.  I love me don't get me wrong, and I'll never get bored of me, however, I don't need to be with some like me to validate my ideals, and reasoning.  In fact, every one of ex's has been completely opposite of me, down to religion, color, language, political beliefs. 

I simply, do not care about these things.

Although, let it be noted that individuals have said to me, on many occasions "Nailah, not everyone is like you." I get it, but these simple things keep the world the same.. these insubstantial  ideas, that are constantly ignored. We are cut speechless, out of fear of hurting someone feelings. Its the circle of life, and that life includes, questions that no one wants to answer, or things we don't want to change.
I know, I've stated many times, you can't help who you love, however, ask yourself, 'are you falling in love with yourself? could no one every satisfy you, but you?
Amour Toujours 
Nailah D'arcy 
Reference/Other Great articles


Romantique Innocence By Nailah D'arcy