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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Forbidden In The Garden Of Eden: Friends With Benefits

"Well I'm so sick and tired Of all your hissy fits. We've got irreconcilable differences. If we could just say no to this relationship We could be best friends with benefits (Randy Rogers)" psychologytoday.com

I accept many things in this horrid world ( well it's not like I have a choice anyway). Yet, there are some things I don't really comprehend... And, too name one: 
" Friends with Benefits".
Here goes oil & water again.. I get it you're lonely, sexual frustrated, in need of conversing. I get it desolate loneliness have driven you too insanity; you need someone to fill that empty hole... Wow, that didn't sound right! lol

Justin Timberlake as Dylan Harper
&
Mila Kunis as Jamie Rellis
Starring In
"Friends with Benefits"
Romanticized 

Ideal ending
Yet, while pop culture overly romanticized casuals relations; there is nothing friendly about this deal. 
Friends with benefits emotional bond are prevalent, yet with distances. Whereas, one-night stands & booty-calls is strictly a one-nighter. Yet, these relationship are quite the same.. But, what make friends with benefits, a benefit?

As, always I did a little detective work. Detective Nailah Anteros Eros D'arcy ( lol, omg that's my new detective name. ah, I love it) 

Okay, So What Does Friends With Benefits Mean?
A friendship that becomes a liaison, that's based off of purely casual sex, without a commitment.

Why Would Anyone Want To Enter Such A Relationship?
 Yeah, Yeah, you're lonely, career driven, Eros is not fair, no faith in monogamous relationships, to busy, commitment phobia, Anteros is punishing you... 
.....Ah, I've heard it all before...
"Friends of Benefits" displays a terrible unrequited love disaster in the end ( read more about unrequited love ) There are many reasons as to why so many choose this lifestyle. Because its easy.  No emotions, just strictly business. On the contrary, it's quite opposite. 
Quite chaotic.
“The study really adds to the little we know about these relationships,” said Paul Mongeau, a professor of communications at Arizona State University who was not involved in the research. “One of the most interesting things I get from it,” he said, “is this sense that people in these relationships are afraid to develop feelings for the other person, because those feelings might be unreciprocated.” nytimes.com

Loneliness, & fear jointly comply; And, also depicts friends with benefits. 
Could it be that the participants are fearful of true love?

One participant always seems to get more involved. Especially women, emotions usually take over. Furthermore, Friends with benefits is strictly "I have no one at the moment, but you'll do" this superficial affair lacks substance of what we all want, and need. 
"But as psychotherapist Rachel Morris points out, sex changes everything: the moment a woman becomes intimate with a friend, her feelings change irrevocably in a way that men’s simply don’t.She explains: ‘Young people today, male and female, pretend sex is no more important than a handshake. Yet intimacy has a profound effect on the emotions, which can be very confusing, especially for women.’Rachel adds: ‘A hormone called oxytocin is released in a woman’s brain during sex, which gives her a biological pre-determination to seek a connection with that man.‘Men, however, are biologically programmed to sow their seed and seem able to disconnect emotionally from sex in a way that women cannot. So friends with benefits relationships are often more emotionally confusing and upsetting for women.’Read more: dailymail.co.uk
Researchers today say that casual sex is more prominent than ever. Many articles present surveys, and studies on this particular topic. However, friends with benefits differentiate with age, sex, class, race, education, & location.
I'm a pretty fair, yet I cannot fathom as to where the benefits lays.
Am not saying this relationship is unhealthy...
But, is it?
Just to be fair I'll name the Pros & Cons..........
"Normal Adolescent Behavior"
Depicts a swinging group of friends.
That resembles
Friends with Benefits 
Pro:
*Fun
*Could led to a commitment
*And, the obvious 'sex'
*Thrilling ( nothing wrong with a little chaos.. lol) 
*Someone to talk too

Con: 
*Emotions can run rapid
*Jealously
*Unfulfilled void
*The Friendship is pretty much over  
*Complicated 
*Ruins self-esteem

Words Of Wisdom, & L'amour

I'm not judging, not all.

However, with so many condoning this behavior anyone could conform into eating the devious apple( sexual urges, peer pressure. etc) with articles such as friends with benefits advice, rules, & an escape plan?
Really? lol
I'm just wondering when did this become popular?

Relations that are popularized are unavoidable it becomes to easy, to reachable, and edible in many cases. 
Unraveling friends with benefits could go either way;
Bad or Good 
I cannot wholly put down no-strings-attach affairs; sometimes casual sex develops to a  blossoming love. Yet, this forbidden love can also make a volcano erupt.

Amour Toujours 
Nailah D'arcy 

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